sorry (don’t read this)


In this post, I’ll be expressing my most HONEST “brain stuff”, and that might offend some people, and I may lose a lot of followers because of this.. but I feel like I should say it anyways? I just don’t want to continue to bottle up all my feelings (and I’ve wanted to make a post like this for a really long time).

I see it everywhere. The whispers here and there about me and my blog. I see it. Am I really that unapproachable? ever since this blog got “popular” (although I really don’t get how that happened, and don’t believe that it is “popular”. People tell me), people have been treating me differently.. like, I dont know, all formal?

Dear cloud, sorry! don’t want to bother you, am I interrupting? bless you! can I use this idea? sorry, so sorry.

I mean I understand that’s obviously normal because if you were to talk to Obama you’d be all formal… this is out of my control. Plus its not that of a big deal, I just wanted to clear my throat in this post and spit out all my thoughts.

Anyways

I’ve been trying really hard to post, even though I REALLY wan’t to quit Fantage. I find a way to get on WordPress at 12 am on my glitchy af phone to upload content, think of “funny” posts, just to make people happy. I have a whole binder of ideas that I used to carry around, and inside were ideas for my blog.

What am I even doing? who am I living for?

And I try my best, and people say I got a popular blog and all, but I don’t feel successful. I’ve forgotten about a lot of things, and I just post whatever I think will make people laugh. I didn’t think that what I was saying was racist, I didn’t know. (I read a confession where I was described as a “racist prick”. Gotta admit, they’re half right.)

I feel like people look up to me, literally, like an evil thing that will crush people if they piss me off. I feel, and I know, that people lowkey hate me. I’ve posted about a ton of things that I shouldn’t have because I’m dumb, and childish. And when I “grow up” I’ll look back at this blog and smack my self in the face, but then probably laugh about it.

Nowadays I know my blog isn’t liked by a lot of people. I KNOW. Don’t tell me this isn’t true, because I know it is. I understand that I gained  a broader audience so I try to post things that wouldn’t offend people. So I stick to formal. I stick to robot posts, posts that don’t really mean anything, just plain information, and basic jokes. But deep down I don’t like that. That isn’t me.

If you take a look at my posts from 2013, and 2014, yeah that’s mainly the real me. The imperfect human being that sometimes cracks inappropriate jokes, that talks about random things, and make fun of Fantage’s mistakes. That’s the real me. Do I care? yes, that’s why I’ve changed and become a robot.

I TRY not to hurt people’s feelings, I try my best, but I don’t succeed???

The views, and followers, that’s not evidence for true success. For all I know people could be following me just for my giveaways, and not because they like me. I could be getting all these views from people who wan’t to see my “Free Fantage Accounts” page, and not because people truly like my posts?

And I know even this post is a mistake to post. Everything’s a mistake. This blog is a mistake. Shouldn’t have done any of it, yet my heart’s saying I should. Does that even make any sense?? (please don’t analyze my words carefully. I know I’m a hypocrite to myself).

Yeah. In the end of the day what matters to me most is that people truly like me for me, and not only temporarily liking me because of an ongoing giveaway.

I’ve already developed so many negative bonds, I can’t undo it.

Its too hard, to post and blog about something EVERYONE agrees on. Why can’t I just be me? (let me answer that… because people don’t like the real me. Nobody knows who that is).

I wan’t to crawl into a time machine, and go back to 2013, where I had just a handful of viewers who liked me and my blog, and I knew every single one of them so I can give them something they’d like. For them it was like going to a restaurant and choosing their favorite thing on the menu… except there was no menu.

I don’t want this.

And I don’t want attention and I’m not trying to gain any attention. I just want to get this load off my back, okay?

So I’m sorry for this….

Sorry for everything, sorry I can’t fulfill your needs, sorry! so sorry.

sorry ;-;

 

 

 

 

32 thoughts on “sorry (don’t read this)

  1. No need to apologize! I bet having tons of followers is stressful! And like you said, you don’t want to upset your viewers. But you can’t please everyone. You should just post what you want to post, even if it’s not always about Fantage, as long as YOU are having fun, that’s all that matters! A blog, to me, is just for fun, another way to interact with people while giving them bits of information and giveaways occasionally. It’s just entertainment. Don’t worry about the little details, heck, if you think quite a few of your followers are only in it for giveaways and free Fantage accounts, I don’t think they’d care if you posted something slightly offensive or not. If we’re following your blog and reading your posts, most likely it wouldn’t matter if you posted “robot” stuff, just as long as you’re the one who’s having fun. 🙂
    Quite honestly, I like your posts. You’re creative and fun and you work hard. People should appreciate what you do, that you think this hard about their pleasures. Heck, you even created a whole game for lots of people to participate in, and being the host must be LOTS of work. You should be proud of your perseverance, but you shouldn’t have to worry about what 800 other people think about your posts. Just be happy and do what feels most comfortable for you. Your true followers will stick by you no matter what. ❤

  2. Don’t be so hard on ur self cloud😔 U were bout to make me cry😕I’ve been on this blog since March/April 2013. Yeh, u were a bit more funnier than now…but that doesn’t change our (or at least mine) feelings. Forget about the haters😝They’re the ones making u famous💅🏾Be yourself cloud, Be the fuckin happy,confident, funny, imperfect girl u are!😇☺️

  3. Okie I know I’m guilty of the first part sorry about that. I don’t really know you so I usually base the way I write to people based on the way they write. You’re making people happy but are u happy? If you don’t like what you’re doing then maybe try changing up what you’re doing into a way you like. (Idk if that made sense) Make posts that make you happy. Not everyone will agree on everything that’s what makes us all different. You can’t please everyone someone will always going to feel hurt or left about something. Be yourself cloud don’t be someone you’re not just because you think someone will hate you. Haters are always going hate on people even if they don’t know them and their just breathing. You have all this attention but try to think of it as if you were just a little blog starting out and you’re just posting what you want. Just remember that you’re doing something that everyone else is doing. You ARE successful because . You have spent time and worked hard to do something that most people probably aren’t to achieve and you’ve created unique and funny posts. Just do you cloud and the right people will stay. ❤

  4. Umm im not great at long speeches like Annabeth did but just be yourself and post what makes YOU happy. Don’t worry about what 800 other people think of your posts.
    (Hugs)

  5. no words only actions:

    Don’;t worry, no matter how bad or good ur posts are, ppl who love you will always be there…

  6. Oh cloud //hugs
    I guess a lot of people up there already said what I wanted to say. Everyone of us have our own opinions, some of us agrees on the same stuff but some of us don’t. Just like fashion, I wear this outfit because I like it, not because others like it (does this make sense?) Do the things that makes you happy.
    You do you 👍😎👍

  7. Cloud… 😦
    every person has their own opinions, and you’re not supposed to make them happy or satisfied with what you post. you post what you want to post, and not what others want you to post, right? you own the blog, and no one controls it.
    don’t let the haters get to you, because they’re just being mean by criticizing other bloggers.
    Always be yourself and be happy : )
    Quote from Cinderella: Have courage and be kind 😉
    *hugs you*

  8. I LOVE YOUR RACIST ASIAN JOKES AND YOUR FANTAGE MISHAPS!!! plz don’t leave fantage spy… be yourself and you will be happy… ignore the haters. I tried being normal once, too. Worst 3 hours of my life. I can’t imagine doing it for as long as you do. Please, please, please, don’t leave

    tbh this post made me cry

  9. Be yourself Cloud
    You should do what makes you happy, cause wasn’t that the reason you started your blog?
    If you don’t have time for this anymore than you should do what YOU think is best (and Fantage isn’t going to last forever);and even for the funny jokes and stuff, it is logical to think that you’re not always going to have time to think of them and write them.
    People who care about you won’t leave.

    1. Um cloud, you don’t have to say sorry
      I have to admit I ask you nicely, I asked you that way because I respect people (no matter if they are famous or just the janitor, as long as they have a good heart), not for your followers but because of you, I would have asked the same way to any one kind, and I totally agree with you that having followers is stressful, i can relate to that (although I only have 3 :p).

  10. This is natural, Cloud. Once you become popular, people will start to dislike you, become envious. And people will start treating you differently. That is, in no way, your fault. And tbh I don’t think your racist. I’m Asian and I’ve never been offended or anything. :/

  11. Like Nutella said before, this is all natural. Once someone becomes popular there`ll always be some haters waiting go put them down. You shouldn’t let those people get to you though. You just do you and if other people don’t like it then they can unfollow. But the people that do like you, the True you will stick with you no matter what. Also I feel like people talk to you so formally because theyre worried about maybe upsetting you. Since you’re so popular you can easily give them a bad name. And if this kind of blog isn’t working for you then you could always change it up. There’s going to be some people that leave and others that stay but that’s only normal. Not everyone is going to like you but you should only focus on the ones that do like you and not the haters.

  12. Cloud, everyone is diffrent, in their own individual, unique way. They have opinions and critiques on things. But you should never change yourself to please others. Always be yourself, since I am sure there is bound to be people who like you, as being you. Do what makes you happy, since yourself and everyone who cares about you, will be happy as well. 🙂

  13. Cloud, not a bunch of people know you here that well as you said your a bit of a ‘robot’ right now. I think its best to stay true to yourself and be the real you from 2013. Honestly I understand like Annabeth said, the stress it is for you to please all your viewers and followers, its hard which probably made you into a robot. If you enjoy WordPress and posting you should stay the real you as you post, and you might make more friends then before 😀

  14. Everyone might not agree with your posts but just let yourself be free and say whatever you want and if people don’t like they can just stop and the people that stay are the ones who truly like no matter what u do. (:

  15. CLOUD, it must be a lot of responsibility to have a lot of followers. I have heard people saying mean things like, ‘tbh i don’t care about fantage spy’ and i think they are just jealous. I mean, i honestly like your blog better than any other. Your posts are useful, funny, and obviously have a lot of thought in them. If i were you, i’d ignore the haters and say what i want to say. Be free, be you. You’ll never change everyone’s minds, but if you’re yourself you’ll have true friends. When I chatted with you on the xat, you seemed completely normal and yourself, as normal, funny, and agreeable as any one else. Not stuck up, not an untouchable person as some others make you as. Be true to you, cloud! Express your true personality. Funny, kind, hardworking, cloud, not many can be like you. Don’t keep trying to please others, cloud, just be yourself. Don’t be afraid to let others know how you truly feel, how you truly are. You are truly brave ❤ we care about you ❤

  16. This is only fair to express your feelings to everyone who likes you, even for the ones who don’t. I think we’d all rather be liked for our unique personalities and how we amuse others than our money. Honestly, I think, right now, you are really funny, and when I looked back in your posts from a couple years ago, you were just as hilarious.
    And though some of your posts may be a little offensive to people, that’s totally normal. No one knows of perfection because its never been seen or even thought of.
    I think people only call you so many bad things and put you down for all the little ‘mistakes’ and ‘imperfections’ you have because that makes up the MINORITY of your blog and they REFUSE to look at what’s good about you. Those haters — they love you! They just don’t show it because they want to believe that they’re greater. I know because I’ve been an immature hater myself on a lot of things. People on YouTube showing off talents, people at school who can do things so much better than me, etc. But the people who TRULY DISLIKE your blog don’t go out of their way to say so. They’d rather go, “Ehh, Fantage Spy isn’t all that great,” instead of “Cloud is a racist prick.”
    I think a silly, humorous, entertaining, devoted blogger should also have a strong mind. Fight back the people who diss you, verbally beat you up, and try to kill you every day through words by doing absolutely nothing, because being ignored releases the same chemical reaction as getting a physical injury. It’s true and effective.
    You’ve been a candidly aspiring blogger, even if blogging is a little “informal” or “silly”. It’s our passion in this community and you’ve brought that out in us.

  17. There will always be people who’ll try to bring you down, who expect you to be some perfect goddess, and when you make a tiny mistake, they’ll bash you. Honestly, they don’t matter because staying true to yourself is much more important than people who’ll probably move on with their lives without any guilt. You’re an amazing blogger and most of us are here for you, not just for your giveaways and other things ❤

  18. Cloud,
    Don’t kick yourself up over this. It’s impossible to please everyone that looks at your blog. In fact, this generation is so… demanding, oversensitive, and spoiled that even the stand-up comedians that tell racist jokes have stopped coming to the colleges to do their job due to protests from the students. So, be glad you aren’t one of those people! Just go ahead and be you, and you’ll see your true friends and followers. I love your style of blogging, even if it’s different from other blogs. I’ve always wanted to create a blog, and you were an inspiration. Thank you Cloud! You can only be you. ❤

  19. Hm. I think the reason why most people treat you so formally is because they look up to you as a role model, a perfect blogger. That’s kind of how I was. You were my inspiration and your blog seemed too perfect, so I guess we didn’t see you as a normal person like us, with a normal life. With your blog being so popular, some people thought of you like somewhat of a celebrity.
    Because of that, people got jealous. I think that is why they talk that way about you behind your back. But don’t let them matter to you.
    And I think whatever you want to post about is totally fine. It’s stressful having to do everything just in order for other people to be happy, to have to meet the utmost expectations, and that’s okay. It’s a huge responsibility to be the leader, the one everyone knows about. But even though we’re looking up to you, you still should be yourself. If people can’t love you for who you really are and what you really think, that’s okay. You shouldn’t change for anyone.

  20. CLOUD. CHEER UP. MY CAPS WILL CHEER YOU UP. *WUGS* ILYSFM OKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
    U DONT NEEDA CHANGE, I LOVE HOW U STYLE WITH EVENT OUTFITS, I LIKE THE INFO U GIVE OUT AND I LIKE THIS BLOG CUZ ITS THE 2ND FANTAGE BLOG I EVER SAW AND YOUR MY ENTERNAL SENPAI. AND SOMETIMES YOU CAN JUST SPAM ONCE IN A WHILE ABOUT UR LIFE OR SPAM FUNNY AF OUTFITS *COUGH COUGH* UNICORN HEAD WITH PURPLE CRAZY EYES *COUGH COUGH* JUST BE THE REALLLLL CLOUDIEEEEEEEE

    CLOUD I JUST GOT DAT FEELZ I KNOW THE TRUE YOU

    IM NOT A STALKER

    I SOUND CONFUSING

    I DONT EVEN UNDERSTAND MYSELF

    I KNOW A COMMENT LIKE THIS WONT MAKE U FEEL BETTER

    BUTTTTT I WISHHHHHHHH THATTT YOUUUU WOULLDDDDD JUSTTTTTT STAYYYYYYYY WHO YOU AREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

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